How to be a more charismatic networker

The most charismatic networkers share one common trait:

They are exceptional listeners.

I used to think that being the best networker meant talking the most.

Or being the most interesting person in the room.

But that could not be further from the truth.

Charisma is about being interested, not interesting.

A charismatic networker makes you feel like you are the only person at the event.

They are present and engaged.

And I recently learned a neat model from Sahil Bloom, that says there are ‘3 Levels of Listening’.

Here they are and how you can apply them to your networking:

3 Levels of Listening

Level 1: “Me” Listening

You’re in a conversation, but your internal voice is relating everything you hear to something in your life.

Your internal voice runs off thinking about your life while the other person is talking about theirs.

You’re waiting to speak. You’re listening to reply, and not to understand.

This is the default mode of listening for most networkers.

Level 2: “You” Listening:

You’re having a conversation, and you are deeply focused on what the other person is saying.

You are present and intently focused.

Yes, that means not worrying about the next person you’re going to meet.

Or what you’ve got to say.

You’re not waiting to speak, you’re listening to learn.

This isn’t about you, it’s about them.

Level 3: “Us” Listening

In this level, Bloom frames it like you’re building a “map” of the other person.

Trying to understand how all the new information they’re sharing fits into their broader experiences of their life and world.

It’s like you’re adding pins to the map of their life and figuring how they’re connected.

Or I think of it as a picture you’re painting about them. With their background and interests.

And you’re doing this by truly listening to understand.

The Wrap Up

Most networkers operate as Level 1 listeners.

This leads to being a ‘topper’ or ‘elevenerifer’.

Charismatic networkers intentionally focus on Level 2 and Level 3 listening.

The 3 Levels of Listening has taught me if you want to build deeper, genuine relationships, you have to live in Level 2 and Level 3.

It’s what makes you remembered.

And with this framework in mind, pay attention to conversations you have at your next events:

• What level of listening do you typically find yourself in?
• How often do you genuinely listen in Level 2 and 3? With both new and existing connections.

Draw that map of their life. Or paint that picture.

Others won’t always remember what you do, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.

Level 2 and 3 listening will make them feel heard.

Happy networking.

P.S. take your networking up another level or two with the The Networkers Playbook. I've included lessons on how to maximise conversations, as well as how to join and leave them too.